had a really good weekend NAAAAAAAAT

was going to give this up, but then realised tonight i definitely need one of those good old hey, fox rants. so might just bring it back to life. apologise now for how depressing and mardy this post is going to be. ok, go...

today I have had a total of 2 texts.

both texts i started the conversation first, one of them was my mum.

over the weekend i have asked a few people about themselves and their nights out, only one person has asked how my friday night was or what i've been up to.

the answers shit by the way. and the answer to how i've been this weekend is also shit.

i'm ill and lonely and exhausted of just literally everything.

i'm exhausted of living in a flat with 5 near enough strangers. i'm exhausted with not wanting to go in the kitchen whilst their in there because they've all pissed me off at least once and i have no interest in making small talk EVERY time i want to just make a coffee. i'm exhausted with stupid sly comments which might not be meant as bitchy, but definitely are. thank you, they might look like primark jeans to you, but they're from next. i might look tired, but thats because im hung over because ive been outside the flat in the evening, new to you i know. and thank you for the break in my sleeping every couple of hours every night because you want to play loud music or SLAM THE FUCKING DOORS at 3AM.

i'm also ill. i've got the flu because i've not been eating properly and working stupidly long hours in a library full of gross people and gross left food, probably from days ago that people just leave under desks. it's also probably stress related as the dissertation that i've been writing since october is meant to be handed in in 2 weeks and i've been working for 3 years on this DESIGN degree and it seems ridiculous that such a large percent on my future career path in DESIGN is going to be based on how well i write a RESEARCH REPORT/ESSAY.

i'm not done. last week i fell for this stupid man's crap again. those feelings resurfaced and i thought it might, just might be different. it's not. he hasn't text back TWICE. i had to listen to humilating banter from not only his friends, but people who barely even know either of us, but knew i was stupid for going back there. feels nice that.

i'm going home tomorrow for a break.

i need sleep. i need to finish this dissertation in a comfortable place. and i guess i just need time to pull myself together again.

thanks if anyone even reads this. my thoughts are... probably not.

Bx