waaaaaaaah

i very nearly deleted this blog in a moment of complete madness the other day.

ive lost track of it, and been completely shit with it. waaaaaaah i'm sorry!

im considering starting a new one

and being proper serious about it and doing like design and fashion and film and culture stuff on it. 'cos secretly i'd well love to be like a nice serious successful blogger, but we'll see how it goes. gonna' keep it on the sly for now and see if i can push it without telling people :)

but my lyffffff is a bit rubbish on other parts at the moment.

i had a major stressful finish to the end of last term and literally left wanting to get out of leeds asap! i had a horrible major damp problem in my room which got me so down and upset at a time i really needed my own space to do work and escape. then i had major issues with a few housemates being absolutely ridiculous and then there was absolute stress with deadline overload and constantly trying to find a placement and worrying non-stop about where i'll be and who i'll still see next year.

but now im back home im not really feeling any better.

none of my friends are back here yet. and its horrible going from constantly being around friends like 24hrs of the day, to not being with anyone. the family are obviously lovely though. i do love them. and i love being back in a clean house. my mum nags and bitches at me far less than i get from a certain individual back in leeds so its absolutely lavleyyy ;) pahaha back off.

and i'm working which is always really refreshing to be back helping people. but theres village things that have been getting me a bit upset yesterday which i won't really go into on here, its not my business to spread. but it did really hit me harder than i thought things like that could. i could barely sleep last night.

but things arent all glooooomy. i've been kicking back a bit and chilling out since the stress of all the past few weeks. and todays been lovely weather! :)

and i had a job interview the other week in an agency i completely fell in love with. it was such an amazing place and i think going to it made me suddenly realise, design is what i want to do. i want to work in a creative team like that, but even though the interview went reaaaally well, a lot of amazing coursemates applied for it, so i'm not too hopeful. it's just nice to get that dream back into focus.

and on the boy front. things are ok. :) i'm coping. but i'm finding myself getting so stupidly close to the way i felt last summer. and i can't do that to myself again. i can't keep setting myself up with all these stupid feelings to be let down. i can't wait for a guy again. no matter how much i want to.

so anyway ive written my essay's worth now. i've loads of time on my hands at the moment so i will try and keep it more updated. but i'm off to hit the treadmill now. it's definitely time i toned up for our girls holiday. i'm so excited for it ♥

loveyou

Bx